Avoidance

Oh sweet, seductive avoidance.

It's been a running theme for a few years now.

Sneakily humming along in the background of everyday life. 

Insidious and energy -leaking in nature. 

I can't really continue to talk of this avoidance without also addressing feelings of resistance. 

It's actually the resistance that happens before the avoidance. Often it can manifest in irritation, for me my little rebellious side comes out to play, defying the task that is begging for attention.

 It's can feel like a pit in my stomach, like I forgot to turn the iron off, a seeping kind of guilt that has no shape or form to it. It's presence can be overwhelming and yet hard to define or pin down. 

For some reason I have been busying myself with the things that feel easier, holding out as long as possible to address the elephant in the room. Lingering bills, unanswered emails, unanswered phone calls and text messages, instead, throwing my energy around in a miscellaneous fashion that feel's productive at the time. 

Every now and again I make what I call an avoidance list and reluctantly work through it. It seems to work, because I stop trying to get to a place that is comfortable enough,I stop trying to wait for the right conditions to 'do the thing' knowing that on the odd occasion some short term pain can open up new space, momentum and energy. 

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